Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
