umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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