she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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