he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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