You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
