I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize