I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
