ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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