Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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