i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
