I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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