i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
