I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
