He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
