I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
