just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
