I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize