Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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