i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
