Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
