So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
