dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There are leaves in my underwear?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
