My room smells like vodka and shame
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
