Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
