Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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