I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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