I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
