She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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