UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
