the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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