went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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