bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
