It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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