Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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