Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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