I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
