i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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