Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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