we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize