Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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