My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
