I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
