Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
