Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
