She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Terrible idea I love it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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