theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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