Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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