smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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