I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
