It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
