I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize