Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
