I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
