playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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