im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
