What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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