This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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