How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
