I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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