i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
