I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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