I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
