32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
