Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it was like eating out sand paper
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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