All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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