Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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