if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
