my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
