I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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